i have trust issues.

the old Dr. House saying, "everybody lies" is definitely and ironically true. the two ugly things i have learned about people is that 1. everyone lies. and 2. everyone has baggage. some more than others, and some deal with it better than others, but there it is.

first off. LIES. everyone has different motives for saying something thats not true and then some people are just compulsive liars and have no reason. there is no such thing as a "little white lie". if its not true, its not true. doesnt mean one has to make drama about it, but it definitely takes away from the credibility of everything else you say - whether it really is true or not. ever since we've been babies, weve been trained to believe that lies are so very wrong and to never ever tell them. then as soon as we get caught in something we dont wanna be in, thats the first thing that comes out of our mouth. we think that it gets us out of the trouble we're in at that moment, but it only builds up to something incredibly bad and hurtful to the people around us the longer we engage in that behavior.
now ive been in so many relationships where ive been lied to. every single one of them theres been something substantial that was not true that ended up devastating the relationship. lies never ever lead to something good. even when said in revenge... why would you want to say something thats not true - that you know is gonna hurt like hell - to the person you hold higher than anyone else in the world? it doesnt make sense to me. so much trust is lost. granted, true love covers a multitude of sins. because i love you, i forgive you for lying to me. but as a friend... had it been from anyone else, theyd be gone. long gone.

now for BAGGAGE.
everyone has it. but we're the ones who choose - who make the conscious choice - to let it affect the people around us, and in some cases, our own sanity. the easiest thing is just to say "GET OVER IT ALREADY". easier said than done right? thats where we have to make the willfull decision not to let it bother us so much. you decide and make yourself get over it. no matter how bad it hurts you... if you hang onto it, it will only poison you from the inside out. not only does it hurt you, it also hurts the people around you who care so much about you. im not downplaying any hurts anyone has because yeah, i have em too. in spades. but the worst possible thing someone can do is bring baggage into another relationship and expect them to heal you. it doesnt work that way and its a HUGE responibility being put on your new partner. thats not fair. and taking the aggressiveness thats built up from former hurts - taking it out on your new partner is another huge faux-pas that is in no way okay. if that person really and truly loves you, theyll be willing to help you get over it just so you are happy. now if theyre willing to make you happy, but youre not willing to help yourself, thats heartbreaking to the person youre with. im not saying get over everything right now - immediately - but dont think youre the only person on the planet whos hurting.